Trees on the Beach, a Blog

I had an itinerary set for my Ecuador trip that starts out flying into Guayaquil, driving to Posojra, then up the coast possibly as far an Tonsupa.  However, I have fallen in love from afar with Santa Marianita.  It's only about 15-20 minutes outside of Manta, which is a fairly major city of 250,000 people, and provides all the luxuries you would expect from a similarly sized American city.  You can even eat American fast food chains like KFC or Papa John's, if you're so inclined.  (I'm not.  I've had enough of that drek.) Many years ago, I saw a picture of a dirt road, still unpaved, going down to the beach in Ecuador.  I found it exciting and beautiful, but did not know where it actually was in Ecuador.  I could imagine myself driving that road in my Jeep.  I saved that picture, but can't seem to locate it now.  Looking at a YouTube video the other day, I realized the video is of the same road I was fixated on so many years ago!  ...

So President Trump has attacked the press, adopted conspiracy theories, attacked our government as having secretive cabals, nurtured and given comfort to groups like QAnon and The Proud Boys, called politicians like Biden "communist" and "socialist." He's said his own knowledge is superior to the knowledge of scientists, people who are experts in their fields. He's thundered away on Twitter and Facebook with his thoughts, which tend to be highly unprofessional, until those companies finally decided to label his posts "misleading" and inaccurate in various ways. And then he threatens to use the power of the government against them. Now that he's facing defeat, he won't commit to a peaceful transition of power, which is a cornerstone of our society. He has weakened our people's faith in basic institutions, like the press and our free elections. Anti-intellectualism, attacks against the free press, a division of the people against each...

Roughly 1 year, 1 month left. It's November 1, still very early in the morning.  Roughly five full months since my last post, and a lot has changed.  I transferred from my shitty old organization.  The new place is decent.  Low requirements, low reward.  But low reward is the standard for Kentucky state government, so this is actually a step up.  COVID means I'm still working from home.  That's something I never thought I'd see, even though I work in IT.  Something like this had to force Kentucky to allow IT employees to work from home.  Funny.  No idea when or if we're ever going back in the office.  At one time I thought we'd probably be back by now.  Now I'm thinking we won't be back this year, and maybe not next year.  I may be working from home when I retire around December 1, 2021. I've been making plans.  My passport is being renewed now.  I'm headed to Ecuador, probably in January, as an exploratory trip....

So it's now early June.  I have roughly 16 (maybe 17) months left working for Kentucky.  So you say, "Mystery person, is that all you think about?"  Why, yes, yes it is.  Mostly anyway.  I have went through my bills and income repeatedly.  I should be able to live on my retirement pension.  It won't be a grand retirement, with me jetsetting around the world or buying new cars (well, ever), but it'll pay the bills. My morale is as low as it can humanly go, I think, without contemplating suicide.  I have no desire for that.  I just want to be... "free."  Free to spend my day how I want, free to sleep late, free from people who are arrogant and stupid.  Arrogance I can handle.  Stupid, too.  It's when they're both that I have trouble. I actually love what I do (programming).  If I had a job I really enjoyed, and paid well, I could probably work many more years.  But I'd have to not deal with arrogant stupidheads,...

No, I don't have it, thankfully.  I am also lucky enough to be working from home.  Roughly one year and 8 months until I can leave the state, but who's counting.  Me.  That's who.  But working from home is making it more bearable.  Although I have found that I work tremendously harder when working from home, as there are very few distractions at home.  No doubt my shitty agency will pull me right back in as soon as they possibly can, as they're already monitoring us like crazy... Skype, working via VPN-only, e-mail must be sent in the morning ("morning check-in"), all e-mails, phone calls, and online meetings must be logged, and then a daily status report must be sent at the end of the day that includes all your accomplishments for that day.  It's annoying that they feel we must be monitored so heavily, but that's nothing compared to the fact that we were told we would be disciplined if we left the state!  Weird, eh?  I always thought my...

So I am eligible for retirement retirement in about two weeks.  Full retirement in 1 year, 8 months, assuming I grow my sick time balance a little.  But it's doubtful I could actually retire, as Kentucky state retirement is not that great.  Generally, it's not enough to live on.  And certainly not enough to travel or vacation on. On top of that, I find myself very unhappy at work, and just a little less unhappy at home.  What do you do to be happy?  If you are happy, you don't know the trick.  If you aren't, you don't know the trick.  It's going to be different for everyone.  So I guess I am just lost.

Man, I am so tired.  I am tired of my job.  Tired of my life.  Tired of my way of life.  But I don't know anything else.  My bone spurs hurt.  (Yes, mine are actually real.)  My bad knees hurt.  This is what you get at 50, folks.  At least some of us get it.  So how do you make your life better?  I was always about action.  Take action.  That's how you fix anything, right?  But I don't know what action to take.  And I am so tired. I did discover new music today.  I was just talking about "thoughts and prayers" online, and lo and behind, I ran across a song by  Drive By Truckers .

A lot has changed since my last blog post.  I bought a house at the beach (a US beach, unfortunately).  I stepped down from a management role and back into programming.  I got full custody of my daughter, which is definitely better for both her and myself.  Not sure what else.  Probably more, but those are the highlights.  I guess if it were a woman's hair, it will be blonde instead of brown.  Those are pretty significant highlights.   I'm still on edge about my job.  I feel like I am in hostile territory.  Anyone who has taken a job they regretted and don't know their peers all that well probably understands what I mean.  But that's okay.  I have a significant career milestone coming up on April 1, and an even more significant one next year.  Next year, I should be eligible for retirement about October or November, depending on the amount of sick time I have banked.  So... and this feels weird to say, but my c...