Trees on the Beach, a Blog

Well, I had a thought today.  It had entered my mind that I might be depressed.  I'm not depressed.  To quote a character Christian Slater played in a movie, "Feeling fucked up in a fucked up situation is not fucked up." My wife and I haven't had sex in something like 7 years.  She doesn't like sex anymore, she said.  She spends too much money.  I can't save the money I need to achieve my goals.  My job is punishing.  My wife works all the time, and we spend most of our free time together, but now that her schedule doesn't allow it, I'm lost.  I have no close friends to hang out with in my free time.  All my friends have left my life, one way or another.  I am alone now.  I'm more or less okay with that, but friends would probably help. But I am focused now.  I am in the process of spending $25k to buy the 5th year towards my pension.  Five years is all you can buy, and I've already bought four.  That leaves ...

So I am watching some TV trash that I enjoy, Van Helsing .  The season 3, episode 5, where some of the survivors make it to the "Denver Safezone", and Vanessa, her sister and the marine are out... I dunno, doing something or another, fighting some vampires.  There's a melodramatic moment between V and her sister, and a thought hit me that has been going through my mind quite a bit recently:  I am numb.  I am completely numb to all the drama and melodrama, and not just on TV, but in real life as well.  I really don't feel like arguing with anyone, nor even getting up on weekends and doing anything.  Am I depressed?  Am I psychotic?  Something else?  What's the deal?  It's like my zest for life has just disappeared.  I hope someone out there reading this is a shrink.  Feel free to jot me an e-mail and tell me what I've got. On the flip side, I was propositioned by a prostitute on Friday.  In my youth, I would have said, "n...