Trees on the Beach, a Blog

Does life get any better?  I'm sitting here listening to '80s music and getting depressed.  Life used to be good.

So I have about 3 years until I leave this job, and I know I'll have to work 2-3 more years beyond that in order to "create" the nest egg that is necessary in order to buy my dream home.  You see, I work in IT, and while that normally pays a lot of money in the private sector, I work for state government.  There's no money in IT working for Kentucky (maybe another subject for a different blog post), but there is a small pension that guarantees I won't starve to death.  Also, I "bought" 4 years and intend to buy another one.  With a 401(k), that phrase probably makes no sense, but with a pension, the goal is simply to complete your years of service.  For my state, it is 27 years of service.  Once you get your years in, you get a yearly paycheck for life.  It is not very big, but it is guaranteed whether you live to 60 or 110.  So you can buy up to five years.  The cost varies, but for a comparatively reasonably paid IT guy, that cost will be s...

So I am watching some TV trash that I enjoy, Van Helsing .  The season 3, episode 5, where some of the survivors make it to the "Denver Safezone", and Vanessa, her sister and the marine are out... I dunno, doing something or another, fighting some vampires.  There's a melodramatic moment between V and her sister, and a thought hit me that has been going through my mind quite a bit recently:  I am numb.  I am completely numb to all the drama and melodrama, and not just on TV, but in real life as well.  I really don't feel like arguing with anyone, nor even getting up on weekends and doing anything.  Am I depressed?  Am I psychotic?  Something else?  What's the deal?  It's like my zest for life has just disappeared.  I hope someone out there reading this is a shrink.  Feel free to jot me an e-mail and tell me what I've got. On the flip side, I was propositioned by a prostitute on Friday.  In my youth, I would have said, "n...

So I've moved on after 13 years.  I'm still in the same, very large, organization, but I manage IT again.  This time it's a little scary, as the stuff I now manage is very sensitive and politically-charged, and I've got the disadvantage of not knowing the place and people I now manage.  But it was a necessary move.  I was sitting in a cube with no assignment and no respect for my management.  My ex-peers are still in that situation and they are miserable.  We still communicate. This is the problem with state government.  Appointees come in like super-heroes, but they don't know anything.  They sort-of manage for 4 years, then they're all terminated, replaced by new appointees that the new governor appointed, and they don't usually know anything, either.  Meanwhile, the people who hold the place together are forgotten and dismissed, and talked about by the governor in the press as if they are burdens on the state.  You get shit on by po...

So I start a new job on Monday.  I could have been at Pensacola Beach with an old friend, but instead I am here at home in a filthy house wasting my days and nights playing World of Warcraft and sleeping.  When I told the wife I was thinking about going, she just said, "If that's what you want to do with your life" because the old friend of mine was someone I casually dated years ago. Maybe that IS what I want to do with my life?  Sitting here by myself surfing the web at 4:37 AM certainly isn't.

So tomorrow I put in my two-week notice for my current agency.  I work next week, which will be short due to the Labor Day holiday, and then the week after that I take my vacation. After 13 years, I will be leaving my current job.  I worked myself up into a management position and did a good job, I think.  I saved the agency money several times, implemented a couple of money-saving programs that are still used today.  I completed my master's degree at this institution.  Got a promotion here.  Introduced modern smartphones into the environment and did away with the old Blackberry devices.  I managed a massive upgrade of server technology, .NET Framework technology, and SQL Server.  I made a lot of friends and then saw some of them terminated, many moved on, and some are still stuck in what has become a terrible place to work.   I work in government.  An election, especially a party change, means everything changes for you on the ...

I can't believe it. There are an unscheduled CPMS meeting to cover material that I already know. I intended to skip it. That one was canceled, and replaced with this meeting. No calendar invite.  No preparation. No real purpose, actually. We are a disaster! Thanks, Ramsey and Yeast. Nice fucking job putting us in this situation.