Trees on the Beach, a Blog

So I am watching some TV trash that I enjoy, Van Helsing .  The season 3, episode 5, where some of the survivors make it to the "Denver Safezone", and Vanessa, her sister and the marine are out... I dunno, doing something or another, fighting some vampires.  There's a melodramatic moment between V and her sister, and a thought hit me that has been going through my mind quite a bit recently:  I am numb.  I am completely numb to all the drama and melodrama, and not just on TV, but in real life as well.  I really don't feel like arguing with anyone, nor even getting up on weekends and doing anything.  Am I depressed?  Am I psychotic?  Something else?  What's the deal?  It's like my zest for life has just disappeared.  I hope someone out there reading this is a shrink.  Feel free to jot me an e-mail and tell me what I've got. On the flip side, I was propositioned by a prostitute on Friday.  In my youth, I would have said, "n...

So I've moved on after 13 years.  I'm still in the same, very large, organization, but I manage IT again.  This time it's a little scary, as the stuff I now manage is very sensitive and politically-charged, and I've got the disadvantage of not knowing the place and people I now manage.  But it was a necessary move.  I was sitting in a cube with no assignment and no respect for my management.  My ex-peers are still in that situation and they are miserable.  We still communicate. This is the problem with state government.  Appointees come in like super-heroes, but they don't know anything.  They sort-of manage for 4 years, then they're all terminated, replaced by new appointees that the new governor appointed, and they don't usually know anything, either.  Meanwhile, the people who hold the place together are forgotten and dismissed, and talked about by the governor in the press as if they are burdens on the state.  You get shit on by po...

So I start a new job on Monday.  I could have been at Pensacola Beach with an old friend, but instead I am here at home in a filthy house wasting my days and nights playing World of Warcraft and sleeping.  When I told the wife I was thinking about going, she just said, "If that's what you want to do with your life" because the old friend of mine was someone I casually dated years ago. Maybe that IS what I want to do with my life?  Sitting here by myself surfing the web at 4:37 AM certainly isn't.

So tomorrow I put in my two-week notice for my current agency.  I work next week, which will be short due to the Labor Day holiday, and then the week after that I take my vacation. After 13 years, I will be leaving my current job.  I worked myself up into a management position and did a good job, I think.  I saved the agency money several times, implemented a couple of money-saving programs that are still used today.  I completed my master's degree at this institution.  Got a promotion here.  Introduced modern smartphones into the environment and did away with the old Blackberry devices.  I managed a massive upgrade of server technology, .NET Framework technology, and SQL Server.  I made a lot of friends and then saw some of them terminated, many moved on, and some are still stuck in what has become a terrible place to work.   I work in government.  An election, especially a party change, means everything changes for you on the ...

I can't believe it. There are an unscheduled CPMS meeting to cover material that I already know. I intended to skip it. That one was canceled, and replaced with this meeting. No calendar invite.  No preparation. No real purpose, actually. We are a disaster! Thanks, Ramsey and Yeast. Nice fucking job putting us in this situation.

So after my blog post yesterday, I discovered some things.  Android Studio must be run with administrator rights.  That fixed the project creation issue. I am not Chip.  Just an fyi. So I found some sample code online and bam, Android Studio just mostly worked.  But after this little sample project, I feel deflated.  I went to work today and wrote a brief on Preservica, an archival storage system.  My day typically consists of nonsense like that.  We already have a great storage system that would cost nothing to use, but due to centralized IT and another agency charging us for the storage space, our system is "too expensive" to actually use. I go to these "CPMS meetings."  I spend at least 4 hours of my life every week in there pretending to pay attention, or sometimes not even pretending.  Sometimes I play with my phone.  I hate them with a passion. I get up and go to work every day.  Every morning I tell myself "I can'...

So I have a job possibility... it is very exciting stuff.  I could learn Flutter, Google's attempt at cross-platform mobile development.  It would be imperative that I finish my first project within the first year.  I've spent the last 1.5 hours or so fooling around with Android Studio, and the prior 2 hours messing with Visual Studio Code.  Both are IDEs that can be used to develop Flutter applications.   While it sounded exciting 6 hours ago, the reality seems to be a lot less fun.  I've got a command line window open, another with PowerShell, another window with the IDE, and various Chrome tabs open, where I am researching and trying to make this thing work.  Android Studio seems to be locked up while creating my first (empty!) Flutter project.  It's been sitting like this forever: What the hell is it doing?  Is an empty project that intensive to create? I'm concerned if I can't get a lousy "Hello World" project going, the...

I'm sitting in a work meeting ("CPMS"). We're into the second hour now. Random people are talking to each other. The manager is playing with his phone. The meeting, as usual, enlightens nothing. I eagerly await my return to banishment at my desk. Emily put in her notice today. I can understand why. I go to Fancy Farm this weekend to watch people who make far more than I do fight over my vote. I rendered this artwork just now while in the meeting. I wish I were finger-banging Mrs. Moffit right now. I'm dyin' here.

So here I am, sitting at work with no assignment.  The victim of a reorg, although I hesitate to consider myself a "victim."  That does indeed seem to be the case, somewhat.  I'm tired, getting old, and living for the future, which I would advise anyone to not do.  What a waste of life.  This is how people get old and cranky. This video is going to be me, cruising the beach roads again someday.